Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
