Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize