I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
