I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
