who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
