bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
