it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
