I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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