I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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