He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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