a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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