If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
