i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
