Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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