marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
