I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
