My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
