You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
