I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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