He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
