so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
