If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
