1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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