I love black thongs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize