she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
