Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
