It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
