I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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