Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
