FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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