The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
