I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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