Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
