I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
