Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize