GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
