I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
