YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
