did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
