I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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