um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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