Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
