She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
