Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
