she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize