she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
