Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
