Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
