break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
