Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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