I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
