$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize