the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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