if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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