**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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