i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
