I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
