Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
