I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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