We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
