I just saw a hot homeless man
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
