The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
