My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
