Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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