I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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