i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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