All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ttyl tear gas
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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