i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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