guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
porn star boner night. come get it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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