Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
