i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
