Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
