Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
