That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
