Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
