god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
