I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize