Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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