I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize