Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
