don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
