Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't think brook has ever known best
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
