hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
