I murdered the dance floor call the cops
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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