I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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