Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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