Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
