I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
