I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
