meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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