I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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