any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize