Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
