Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
