This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
