i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize