Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
