I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
