paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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