Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
