Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
