I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The air was thick with penises
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
