After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize