I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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