So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
