Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
