Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
