MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
