I wanna bring you to show and tell
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
