we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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